Saturday, March 20, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Some Strongly Worded Letters
Dear Weather.com,
Thank you for this day. It has been a long time coming, and I appreciate all of your gorgeous, sun-drenched effort.
Love,
james
Dear Black, Patent Leather Peep-Toes,
Long time, no see! Welcome back to the ends of my legs. You are aging well, old friends.
Sincerely,
Fashionable Interlocuter
Dear Almost-Graduating Seniors,
I am so proud of you. What a marvelous introduction to New York you provided. I love this job and this school--and it will not be the same without you. Still, the choices and roads ahead are so exciting! You will be as impressive and formiddable on your new roads as you have been here in this world. I look forward to hearing of your achievements-to-come, and I thank you for allowing me into your symbolic universe.
With gratitude,
Dr. J
Dear Students-Taking-the-Persuasion-Midterm,
You are wonderful. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.
Warmly,
Jaime
Thank you for this day. It has been a long time coming, and I appreciate all of your gorgeous, sun-drenched effort.
Love,
james
Dear Black, Patent Leather Peep-Toes,
Long time, no see! Welcome back to the ends of my legs. You are aging well, old friends.
Sincerely,
Fashionable Interlocuter
Dear Almost-Graduating Seniors,
I am so proud of you. What a marvelous introduction to New York you provided. I love this job and this school--and it will not be the same without you. Still, the choices and roads ahead are so exciting! You will be as impressive and formiddable on your new roads as you have been here in this world. I look forward to hearing of your achievements-to-come, and I thank you for allowing me into your symbolic universe.
With gratitude,
Dr. J
Dear Students-Taking-the-Persuasion-Midterm,
You are wonderful. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.
Warmly,
Jaime
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Call This An Oversimplified Generalization, If You Must
But a TV show created by the people who did the Wire, starring people from the Wire (and Homicide! Holla!) is fucking guaranteed (CajunCajunCajun) to be good.
Watch. And anticipate with me.
Watch. And anticipate with me.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Your Mission,
should you choose to accept it, is simple: Help me come up with substitution phrases.
I tend to over-use my favorite words and phrases, and a former student just reminded me how annoying that can be. So, in the spirit (belated, I know I know, I GET it) of Lent, I am going to work on expanding my vocabulary. Below, I have compiled a list of my most popular go-tos. If you would be so kind as to provide some alternative suggestions, I will be forever in your debt.
1) Balls.
2) Delicious.
3) I'm just sayin, is all.
4) Son of a...
5) Yummy.
6) Serious (or some form thereof--for serious, seriously, on the serious).
There are probably more, but I can't think of them right now. In fact, I kinda feel bad about this--like I'm abandoning old friends. But, hey! It's a new world, right? And worlds are made of language.
Still. I might keep one or two, just for old time's sake.
I tend to over-use my favorite words and phrases, and a former student just reminded me how annoying that can be. So, in the spirit (belated, I know I know, I GET it) of Lent, I am going to work on expanding my vocabulary. Below, I have compiled a list of my most popular go-tos. If you would be so kind as to provide some alternative suggestions, I will be forever in your debt.
1) Balls.
2) Delicious.
3) I'm just sayin, is all.
4) Son of a...
5) Yummy.
6) Serious (or some form thereof--for serious, seriously, on the serious).
There are probably more, but I can't think of them right now. In fact, I kinda feel bad about this--like I'm abandoning old friends. But, hey! It's a new world, right? And worlds are made of language.
Still. I might keep one or two, just for old time's sake.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Academy Award Fistfights
I will get in one. Because I always do. Oh--It's ON, Facebook friends.
It all started with my mother's angry grudge against Gandhi. She's still mad that Gandhi won the year that ET wasn't even nominated. I was seven, so I couldn't say, "Hey. Dear, Dear Mother. Gandhi has Ben Kingsley. ET has, like, rubber space frogs. You do the math." Then, there was the year that I almost got into a drunken brawl with these Germans at an Academy Award party in North Carolina--that was about "Training Day." *I love you, Denzel.* And then there was Crash.
Crash.
Why do we care about these things? I haven't even seen all the movies, and I am all ready to be angry about the winning/losing of my favorites. And by favorites, I mean, "The Hurt Locker."
Honestly, though, since 2005, I've not watched all the movies. I am still outraged. OUTRAGED, I say, by "Crash" winning over "Brokeback Mountain." I think people got so excited about Jake Gyllenhaal's tight ass jeans and the possibility of two boy pee pees touching in a tee pee, they didn't notice the beauty of the movie.
Goddammit, I hate Paul Haggis.
Tina Fey and Steve Carell, however, I love. And George Clooney. And The Hurt Locker. And yummy, yummy Jack Donaghy. And Meryl Streep. And yummy coconut martinis. And righteous indignation. And Jack Donaghy.
Mmmm. I hope Jack Donaghy wins an Oscar.
It all started with my mother's angry grudge against Gandhi. She's still mad that Gandhi won the year that ET wasn't even nominated. I was seven, so I couldn't say, "Hey. Dear, Dear Mother. Gandhi has Ben Kingsley. ET has, like, rubber space frogs. You do the math." Then, there was the year that I almost got into a drunken brawl with these Germans at an Academy Award party in North Carolina--that was about "Training Day." *I love you, Denzel.* And then there was Crash.
Crash.
Why do we care about these things? I haven't even seen all the movies, and I am all ready to be angry about the winning/losing of my favorites. And by favorites, I mean, "The Hurt Locker."
Honestly, though, since 2005, I've not watched all the movies. I am still outraged. OUTRAGED, I say, by "Crash" winning over "Brokeback Mountain." I think people got so excited about Jake Gyllenhaal's tight ass jeans and the possibility of two boy pee pees touching in a tee pee, they didn't notice the beauty of the movie.
Goddammit, I hate Paul Haggis.
Tina Fey and Steve Carell, however, I love. And George Clooney. And The Hurt Locker. And yummy, yummy Jack Donaghy. And Meryl Streep. And yummy coconut martinis. And righteous indignation. And Jack Donaghy.
Mmmm. I hope Jack Donaghy wins an Oscar.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
10 Rules for Writing
The authors included in the above link are several things I am not. First, they are quite famous. Second, they are quite famous for writing fiction. I could add that they might be more likely sources of writing advice than someone who has never been on Oprah, but I won't. So there.
Anyway, in line with their thoughts on writing, I wanted to add some of my own.
1) Be open to inspiration. There is no one way to write, especially when it comes to individual writers. I know many folks who swear by certain, specific patterns of writing. But they break those patterns all the time--and call those breaks inspiration, as if that is somehow outside the purview of writing-as-practice.
2) Friends don't let friends drink and write. Consider yourself a friend.
3) Savor good phrases, even if you have to get rid of them later. They were part of the story at one point, if only for a little while. Plus, they might end up somewhere else, and you want to be able to look them in the eye.
4) Never use the word "very."
5) Jonathan Franzen reminds us that the reader is a friend, and I agree. I also think that chaos should be treated as a friend. Creativity comes from chaos, and that's a pretty marvelous exchange.
6) Read things out loud. It's like a litmus test for meaning. The right words feel good in your mouth.
7) When someone you love reads your words and praises you, listen. You would if they were cursing you.
8) Take breaks. I find that episodes of "The Wire" work especially well in this capacity.
9) Start and stop before you feel ready to do either.
10) Feel free to write stuff on random parts of your body so that you don't forget it. The back of my hand is my favorite mnemonic device.
Anyway, in line with their thoughts on writing, I wanted to add some of my own.
1) Be open to inspiration. There is no one way to write, especially when it comes to individual writers. I know many folks who swear by certain, specific patterns of writing. But they break those patterns all the time--and call those breaks inspiration, as if that is somehow outside the purview of writing-as-practice.
2) Friends don't let friends drink and write. Consider yourself a friend.
3) Savor good phrases, even if you have to get rid of them later. They were part of the story at one point, if only for a little while. Plus, they might end up somewhere else, and you want to be able to look them in the eye.
4) Never use the word "very."
5) Jonathan Franzen reminds us that the reader is a friend, and I agree. I also think that chaos should be treated as a friend. Creativity comes from chaos, and that's a pretty marvelous exchange.
6) Read things out loud. It's like a litmus test for meaning. The right words feel good in your mouth.
7) When someone you love reads your words and praises you, listen. You would if they were cursing you.
8) Take breaks. I find that episodes of "The Wire" work especially well in this capacity.
9) Start and stop before you feel ready to do either.
10) Feel free to write stuff on random parts of your body so that you don't forget it. The back of my hand is my favorite mnemonic device.
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