Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Deliberately setting her hand on the table,
As if she were bracing for the next attack,
She tells me that she is angry with me…
A bit.
And I am glad to feel her anger.

She is strong.
She stands against the wall,
Scanning the crowd for worthy adversaries,
Listing off allies in her head.
I am one of the allies
And one of the adversaries,

Leaning into a laugh,
Diving into a pool,
Dancing onto a veranda…
She is the sharpest line of a stone.
The rooms she enters are brighter when she is there.
And darker when she is not.

I am blessed-
To have known this strength,
To have seen this sharpness.
To have learned this beauty.

I am blessed to feel this ache
Because she is so far from me.

But all I can think about is the firsttime
She hugged me.
It was a surprise…
We had only just met,
And she was so cautious.
I did not know yet that she loved me..
I did not know yet that I was a lucky one.
And she drove me to the airport
(because he would not, but that’s another story).
She drove me to the airport,
And, as I was moving to open the door,
She hugged me.

And so I joined the ranks…

Monday, July 23, 2007

Simulating Masculinity

I am just now starting to realize that I won't be going home to Texas. It makes my heart hurt. I am so glad to see all of these people at home, and I am so excited to meet all of the new people in New York. And I wish that, after all the seeing and the meeting, I could go home and drink some wine with my best friend on a regular, boring-old Tuesday.

That is what I wish.

Also, the title of this post is what I should have called the marginal wacko paper I'm writing for NCA. A declaration-I am going to make a conscious effort, as of this writing, to forego semicolons in academic titles. It's too late for the dissertation, but it's never too late for the next essay.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

In case you were wondering...

These are the people who rock and who made the diss do-able.

Mom, Daddy, Jocelyn, Alan, Susie, and Grandmother. I am here because of you.

My Johanna—who adds passion, fervor, and elegance to both living and arguing; Jennifer—who reminds me, always, that these things we say must be driven by flesh and blood; Kevin—who keeps me sharp and laughing; Katie—who makes sense from the nonsensical; Gretchen—who heals and reconstructs; Meredith—who promises to be a rock star; my PoMo personal trainer—who makes JB human; and the goddesses—Jessica, Angela, Lisa, Kristen, Caroline, and Amy—who pave the way to strength AND beauty.

And thanks to: Barry for being such a wizard; Dana, for being such a warrior; Rick, for being such a debater; Diane, for being such a hero; Matt, for being such an ally; and Josh, for being such a friend.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Git Ur Done

So now I'm a Doctor of Philosophy!!!

And Transformers rocks. Seriously. I might go see it again this afternoon--test out my new doctor-y eyes.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Heart Attack

Tomorrow morning at nine am. I think I'm having a heart attack.

Also, Transformers is awesome. Just btw.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Days Left

One week until the defense. Two weeks until the departure. Pretty soon I can start counting the wake-ups. I will miss waking up in this town, I think.

And, also, I have too many flippin' books. Am seriously considering giving everything away... except Fitzgerald. And Dickens. And maybe that one about that whale.

And I really want to keep my JB books--he and I have grown close these last few months.

And I wouldn't want Hemingway to feel left out... God forbid he have another reason to bitch.

And Jane, well, I can't leave Jane--or all the books about motives because those seem fairly perceptive. And I don't want to leave Billy Collins. I would miss him.

Never mind. I'll just give away the couches.