Sunday, March 7, 2010

Academy Award Fistfights

I will get in one. Because I always do. Oh--It's ON, Facebook friends.

It all started with my mother's angry grudge against Gandhi. She's still mad that Gandhi won the year that ET wasn't even nominated. I was seven, so I couldn't say, "Hey. Dear, Dear Mother. Gandhi has Ben Kingsley. ET has, like, rubber space frogs. You do the math." Then, there was the year that I almost got into a drunken brawl with these Germans at an Academy Award party in North Carolina--that was about "Training Day." *I love you, Denzel.* And then there was Crash.


Why do we care about these things? I haven't even seen all the movies, and I am all ready to be angry about the winning/losing of my favorites. And by favorites, I mean, "The Hurt Locker."

Honestly, though, since 2005, I've not watched all the movies. I am still outraged. OUTRAGED, I say, by "Crash" winning over "Brokeback Mountain." I think people got so excited about Jake Gyllenhaal's tight ass jeans and the possibility of two boy pee pees touching in a tee pee, they didn't notice the beauty of the movie.

Goddammit, I hate Paul Haggis.

Tina Fey and Steve Carell, however, I love. And George Clooney. And The Hurt Locker. And yummy, yummy Jack Donaghy. And Meryl Streep. And yummy coconut martinis. And righteous indignation. And Jack Donaghy.

Mmmm. I hope Jack Donaghy wins an Oscar.


Jessica T. Larson said...

You + Crash is like remembering Thanksgiving is always on the last Thursday of November. I remember you mentioning how much you hated Crash and all the attention it was getting. Ha! Good post. To be honest, I never saw it because of how much you hated it...that and it was one of those hate it or love it films. I hate those films because if you hate it you realize you just wasted 2 hours of your life. Take Serendipity for example.

james said...

Jess, you are dear, and it warms the cockles of my heart that you never watched that movie. I'm glad I helped spare some of your precious time.