Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Heroes

Here they are:

1) Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)

2) Medea (Medea)--showing men of will what "will" really is.

3) Elizabeth Bennett (Pride and Prejudice)--clever women, being brave = awesome.

4) Crowley (Good Omens)--you seductive serpent, you.

5) Winnie the Pooh--um, der. He rocks.

6) Karl Oskar(The Emigrants)--I love Swedes who take care of things.

7) Betsy Trotwood (David Copperfield)--"Never," said my aunt, "be mean in anything; never be false; never be cruel. Avoid those three vices, Trot, and I can always be hopeful of you."

8) Hector (Iliad)--because nobody dipped his ass in a river to make him mostly-invincible, and he fucking fought anyway.

9) Nicolae Carpathia (Left Behind series)--Best. Antichrist. Evar.

10) Queequeg (Moby Dick)--head-peddling purple rascals are always invited to my house.

11) Tank Girl (Tank Girl)--because I want a tank.

12) Dr. Who (Dr. Who)--"First things first, but not necessarily in that order."

13) Alex Perchov (Everything is Illuminated)--"This is Sammy Davis Jr. Jr... She is Grandfather's Seeing Eye bitch. Father purchased her for him not because he believes Grandfather is blind, but because a Seeing Eye bitch is also a good thing for people who pine for the opposite of loneliness. In truth, Father did not purchase her at all, but merely retrieved her from the home for forgetful dogs. Because of this, she is not a real Seeing Eye bitch, and is also mentally deranged."

14) Brett Ashley (The Sun Also Rises)--everybody needs an ex-patriot martini every now and then.

15) Paul D (Beloved)--he traces Sethe's back and provides stability for Others even when he cannot provide anything of the kind for himself.

16) Jubal Harshaw (Stranger in a Strange Land)--I like his questions.

17) Ripley (Aliens)--She was not dipped into a river, either. And she suffers for it.

18) Mrs. Moore (A Passage to India)--You can take your idealism and stuff it, colonialist bitches. And, on the way to stuffing it, stop by the Marabar Caves for just a sec... ask the Universe how much she thinks of you.

19) Boromir (Lord of the Rings)--Because redemption is a marvelous thing.

20) Morpheus (Sandman)--thank you, Neil Gaiman, for your heroes.
CHORONZON: I am an anthrax, butcher, bacterium, warm-life destroying.

MORPHEUS: I am a world, space-floating, life nurturing.

CHORONZON: I am a nova, all-exploding... planet-cremating.

MORPHEUS: I am the Universe -- all things encompassing, all life embracing.

CHORONZON: I am Anti-Life, the Beast of Judgement. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds... of everything. Sss. And what will you be then, Dreamlord?

MORPHEUS: I am hope.

2 comments:

Maxwell said...

are you kidding me a list of this stature and no shaggy and scooby...I do not know what you think you know but clearly it is not heroes....and is it me or was that line stolen from the usual suspects...ummmmmmmm

Rob said...

Sorry this took me so long... But here it is...

1. Dill. Atticus is cool and all--but he ain't no Truman Capote.
2. Zooey.
3. Darcy. OK... I know. Feminist Rob should be all for Elizabeth because she's witty and engaging and and all that--but, come on, it's Darcy.
4. Lucy Honeychurch. She wants to do the right thing and wants to embrace the eternal yes at the same time.
5. Cecil Vyse. How can you not love him when he has absolutely no ability to even ask a question that could lead to the eternal yes.
6. Sebastion Flyte. Cecil like queer from Brideshead Revsited--except a little more tortured and a little more drunk. OK. A lot more drunk.
7. Rupert Birkin. Another turn of the century emotionally-lost British guy.
8. Jake Barnes. Speaking of drunks...
9. Holden Caulfield.
10. Don Draper. Mad man and everything that Holden hated.
11. Alabama Byrnes. Feisty artist from "Plays Well With Others."
12. Ben Quick. It was a choice between this beautiful Southerner from "Long Hot Summer"--or Brick from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" Both Paul Newman. Both awesome.
13. Holly Golightly.
14. Owen Meany.
15. David Fisher. Gay mortician.
16. Samwise Gamgee. Sure--others might be a little more bad ass and cool. But if you are talking "Lord of the Rings" Sam is the real hero.
17. Natalie Jastrow from "War and Remembrance."
18. Silk. See the post on my blog about bad fantasy novels.
19. Anne Shirley.
20. CJ Craig. West Wing Wonder.