Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Or Snowpocalpyse. Which do you prefer? I can't decide. I do know that the weather people are absolutely beside themselves with the excitement of predicting amounts and duration of this (cue ominous chord progression) Cataclysmic Storm.

Anyhoo. This is an image of my neighborhood. (I particularly like the gate hanging open, like someone was so eager to get the hell inside that they just left shit wherever: "Forget the gate latch and Run, Ivanya! It's the Snowpocalpyse!")

It's still falling. The snow, I mean. It has been falling pretty regularly for hours. HOURS. We in New York are not getting the Worst of It, though, according to our over-agitated weatherpeople - The Worst is happening in Philadelphia. Which makes sense. According to Steve the Weave, everything bad happens in Pennsylvania. (I mean, just look at that goddamned rodent. He saw his damned shadow and then we lost Washington DC to the Blizzard of Last Week.) Stupid Pennsylvania.

While I still cannot decide which title I prefer for this Cataclysmic Storm, I maintain that "We are not getting the Worst of It" is my favorite sentence of the day. Because what the what? Define "worst," you sons-a-bitches. I am from ALABAMA. This does not happen in ALABAMA. I thought to myself earlier today, "Self, you need some clean underwear. You should drop your laundry off at that new place down the street. It's less than a block away."

"How bad could it be?"

The answer might surprise you: Bad. It's fucking cold. And the snow is blowing pointedly... Like sharp, little icy darts into the eyes. And the sidewalks are death. Slipping, sliding, slapstick comedy may look fun, but it is not for the faint of heart.

So I dropped off the stupid laundry, then I minced my way back down the street and proceeded to consume almost an entire pan of brownies. I think that's a fair trade-off.

I am not going outside again until April. I know, I know, TS Eliot said that April is the cruelest month, but he also thought fascism might be a good way to go, so, clearly, he got some things wrong.

No comments: