And then, when I am sitting in my office, thinking about all of the things that I have put off, I get sort of sweaty and hyperventilate-y and nervous and heart-beating-too-fast-ish. This is a new development. I never used to be like this. And, honestly, it has only happened twice, really.
Makes me feel, I mean SERIOUSLY feel, for people who suffer from anxiety more often than not. It is a miserable, powerless, crushing feeling. And, luckily for me, it goes away after a little while--after I send off the first response I should send, and finish editing the paper I should edit, and apply to the summer workshop to which I ought to apply... and hear from dear friends who send me notes like this:
Deep breathing. Nothing can happen that is so bad that it would make you disappear.
Please, dear Universe, watch over our Small Symbolic Order.
Oh, and one more thing, dear Universe, please let that note be true.
Amen.
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