Things that Torture Me

Being far away from my family. People who claim to like Clarence Thomas. Loving high heels and knowing how (a) ridiculous and (b) dangerous, literally and figuratively, they are. Thoroughly cleaning my red chair/couch/bedspread/throw rug only to watch my stupid cat climb up on it for better fur dispersal. Inappropriate crushes that last far too long. Dentists. Knowing that I read something and forgetting (a) the author's name or (b) important quotations. Speechlessness in the face of inordinate stupidity/cruelty. The fact that I don't like many of the things that other academics like (baseball, opera, microbrewery beer). Missing you. The french horn that I sold 13 years ago. I loved that horn--and I should have kept it.

Deep Thoughts on the RNC

1) Like an Alabama football game, it's got elephant mascots, mindless cheering, hand-written signs, and lots of sweaty white people. Unlike an Alabama football game, it's got, like, three black people, square state accents, and only a few baseball caps.

2) Governor Palin reminds me of Kirstie "Amer-I-Can!" Alley's character in "Drop Dead Gorgeous."

3) Rudy Giuliani has the cutest little lisp.

4) I wonder if Vegas is working on an over-under for November?

5) This just in!!! Apparently, victory in Iraq is finally in sight. Phew--I was getting worried.

Dog Bite Update

So I went to the doctor because the middle puncture wound is sort of red and hurty. He thinks it is infected, so he gives me a tetanus shot. And, because I am leaving for Tokyo on Monday, he is sending me to a surgeon to get the wound lanced. Awesome.

I am no longer so excited about the zombie-like appearance of the bite. I'm not gonna lie.

The Hermeneutic of Superstition

Would be a great band name. I think it might also work as a philosophy for life.

So, I'm watching "Dawn of the Dead," like ya do, and I start thinking about my phone. My ring is Stevie Wonder's "Superstition," and people (well, Steve and E!) sometimes tease me about the message I'm sending when I answer every call with a superstitious wink. But... like casuistry (the application of general, ethical reasoning to particular situations--or--the recognition and application of contingency), superstition (depending on the source, mostly definitions of superstition read something like this: overly zealous and irrational beliefs, especially having to do with religion--emphasis on lack of thought and irrationality) has gotten a bad rap--mainly because of its reliance, it seems, on things outside classical reason.

But it's interesting to think about the outside-rational significance of little moments, the strange connections between our thoughts, our actions, and the particular events that make up our lives.

One example: today I was talking with a friend about the therapeutic effects of teaching. He had been thinking about a certain recent crisis in his life, and, on the day in question, class discussion just happened to include that exact situation as a theoretical point, a way to analyze and explore the topic of the day. As he was teaching the class, he said, he had to pause a couple of times--keeping the theoretical discussion and the actual situation separate in his head was more challenging a task than he had thought it would be. And that wasn't such a bad thing, he said. It kind of helped him understand the theory and the moment more clearly. The hermeneutic of superstition, in this case, allowed for a clarifying dip into both theory and practice.

Another example? A couple of weeks ago, I went to an AA meeting with my sister. It's called an "open source" meeting. Most AA meetings are closed, designed to increase and accentuate the feeling of safety-in-community for which AA is so lauded. But open speaker sessions welcome any and every person interested in learning more about the warp and woof of addiction. Anyway, the speaker that day was this cool lady, probably in her forties, talking about her life pre-, during, and post-realization that she is an alcoholic. Coincidentally, earlier that day, my sister and I had just been talking about some of the topics the speaker addressed (the differences between social and addictive drinking, the various definitions of "party" and "problem," the difficulties of "hanging out" in a culture so centered on mind-altering substances). The speaker's story, like many of the stories one hears from and about addiction, revolved around loss and redemption, failure and success--as well as the issues my sister and I had been talking about earlier.

These stories, these moments of clarity, are reasonable, at times. They are often, after the fact, easily designated as instances of rationality and enlightenment. But the mechanisms of the connections, the links between moments of clarity and our interpretation/reception of those moments, is not always a rational, causal thing. Sometimes, it's a mystery, and mystery--as much as it gets suspicioned and ogled and sliced out of our enlightened, reasonable world--can be a situation-saver... keeping us, perched as we are on the edge of the abyss, sane... mostly.

I just saw

A preview for the movie Zombie Strippers.

No. I'm not kidding.
And, Yes, when it comes out on DVD (when oh when will that be?), I will place it at the top of my Netflix queue.

Let's hear it for thinly veiled moral allegories!!

Oh, Debates.

You should check this site when you get a chance. It's called "The Lincoln-Douglas Debates of 1858 (Slight Return)," and it's moderated by Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos. It's gorgeous. Thanks to my dear friend, AWS, for the link.

I need to get a gun

Or a machete of some kind. And canned food. Lots of canned food.

54%

Strikes against me:

1) Apparently, people living in big cities with dense populations are especially screwed in the case of The Undead Apocalypse. So, that's no good, really.
2) No car. Stupid Zombie-infested public transportation.
3) Over-reliance on grocery delivery.
4) Lack of weaponry.

Things in my favor:

1) Good situational reasoning.
2) Abiding love for All-Things-Zombie (and the associated knowledge accompanying that minor obsession).
3) Physical fitness (people probably think I started running in order to look better in a swimsuit, Ha! it was all for the zombies).
4) Good sense of direction.

Another website that makes me laugh

Is cracked.com. (Thanks to M for the rec!)

Reasons to read this website:
1) They love lists.
2) They love words.
3) They love making fun of people who are famous or pompous or annoying (or all three).
And here's the real kicker:
4) Dude, they love zombies.

Here are some delicious examples (for your reading pleasure):

5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen (I'm telling you, investing in a crossbow might not be the worst idea you ever had. Although, as Max Brooks says, blades don't need reloading.)

The Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians (Ha! Bruce Jenner!)

10 Words and Phrases You Won't Believe Shakespeare Invented (Please notice the translation of "Hot-Blooded" and try not to cry laughing).

The Gruesome Origins of 5 Popular Fairy Tales (Fairy tales are creepy. Like politics.)

There's also a really hilarious article about what Valentine's Day cards would say if they were honest. But I don't have a link to that one, so you can just search. You're welcome.